RacsenWrites

  A friend of mine once asked, “what do you miss the most about your childhood?” My mouth open, Ready to deliver what I am sure was supposed to be a regaling tale of lavish, happy childhood memories. That was until it suddenly dawned on me, Sunrise had come anew and with it the tragic realisation, There was nothing to miss. That is not to say I didn’t have a “happy” childhood, I Just can’t seem to remember anything that made it happy. But I guess that’s the thing with depression, The more you try to tether yourself to that which brings you joy, The harder you try to remember, The longer you try to hold on, The more fragile your grip. The weaker your mind becomes. Depression will strip every piece of joy from your heart and mind, Imprison you in a cycle of thought, It will force you to live out all your trauma, Day to day, Until eventually time becomes stagnant. You stop seeing sunrise and sunset. You are caught in an endless loop that eventua...

  To whomever the fuck that said, “ You cannot love me unless you love yourself.” Do you know me? Have we me met? Because you clearly have never met me. Hi. My name is Racsen. And I am an ocean of emotion, The is constantly in motion. My love is infinite, It always on the go, Looking for somewhere to attach itself, A place to call home. I wear my heart out on my sleeve, Because it feels uncomfortable in my own body. Love doesn’t want me to be its home. So, it’s always on the prowl, And when it met you it howled, And I couldn’t have agreed more, Because wow! Words have never failed me but when I saw you, I was dumbstruck, StarStruck, Lovestruck. I swear my body shut down. My heart somersaulted onto you your soul. My heart doesn’t know how to let go I don’t blame it though. It’s not like I ever gave it much attention. I don’t give myself attention. I don’t smile as much as I should, I never give myself the room to cry when...

  Dear Anonymous, If you reading this then by now you know that you are anonymous, But my readers don’t know you so let’s keep the enigma. This probably won’t be the last time I write about you, I don’t pick where the inspiration comes from It just happens. You inspire me. But this will be the last time I write to you as anonymous. I don’t want this goodbye to be sad, Nor do I want this that I will say to make you mad, I just want you to be glad. Happy that you had such a positive influence on my heart, Even if my poetry didn’t always show it. So, as I say goodbye, And I struggle to move on, I would like to pay tribute to some of the things that made me love you, And maybe one day you will believe in all of them too, And you will realise just how loveable you are.   To Anonymous’s Smile   Gosh how I love that smile, I don’t think I have ever seen one more beautiful. If I died looking at your smiling face,   I could move...

 Dear Anonymous I want to kill myself but I know it will hurt you, Is what I keep telling myself. That is the message that plays on repeat in my head The message that keeps me tethered to life. Each time I look at the bottle of pills that has a permanent home on my bedside table, I hear your voice, I can hear you telling me how I am such a blessing to your life. The sound of your voice echoing in my head gives me strength, The strength to hold on, At least for one more day so you can say it again. When the knife that I keep hidden in my room and I have our daily stare off I envision your crying face, Staring at my open casket, And somehow,  I let the blade go. I walk away. Dear Anonymous, Loving you is keeping me from slipping over the edge, But Dear Anonymous I am afraid. I fear for the day when loving you just won’t be enough.