RacsenWrites

  I’m not okay, If you had half a brain You would have seen it by now. Seen through my façade, The poetry that I put up, A misguided attempt at channeling  misplaced emotion, Trying to heal old wounds, That never healed, That may never heal. I guess they won’t. I don’t think I deserve to heal. What is healing anyways? Does it mean the hurt goes away? You are born anew? You start over? Or does the day become a dull ache, A phantom of your former self, A ghost of a memory. Why do I still hurt? Pain is a flirt, He has this romantic way of making himself perfect company. I find comfort in his arms, Guess that’s why I never heal. I am at home in my self-destructive tendencies, At peace when depression ravages my mind, Calm when my anxiety is at a breaking fever, I am happy at the mere thought of dying, That is why I never heal, Because healing means letting go of the only bliss I have ever known.

  His eyes shimmer, Brighter than the rays of the morning sun, Beneath that shine lay the ghost of twilight, His face pales in comparison. His body hangs limp, Mirroring the dark brooding mood that lays etched on his face, His skin shielded by black and greys, But his eyes still shimmer, The sparkle with the beauty of moonlight…   His body glows, Each crevice of his body radiates warmth, The smile frozen on his face, like sunlight Is a beacon of hope, It would make you think of happier times. But its in stark contrast to the darkness in his eyes, They lack emotion, They have long since lost their shimmer, Yet somehow his body still glows….   Shoulders hang limp, His eyes grow weary and heavy, He dreams, Dreams of what could have been, ‘The life he could have had, But would never have, His heart is weary, His soul feels trapped…   He Moves with the wind, His smile is bright, His heart is carefree and light,...

  I find it's also necessary to support the talents of your friends. Here enjoy the talent Gone Too Soon  Hey ,it’s spring time ... The jacarandas blossomed a vibrant violet The sky had been cloudy for a couple days  And suddenly I had the urge to keep up with the weather  Soon as my alarm went off , It didn’t matter if it was midnight  I had to know how the rest of the day was going to be  On sunny days ,i woke up bubbly  You would swear I was An active volcano of joy  My smiles were constantly falling like flower petals  But then ...it’s not always shiny  And one flower petal fell upside down  I could tell that something was bound to go wrong  Those fifteen minutes of excitement  I was going to pay dearly for  And just like that ...The temperatures dropped  Dark clouds gathered  And constant and small raindrops fell  Just like my tears  As I buried myself deeper into my bed  At one point I m...

I stare, At a blank piece of paper, Waiting for a muse. I cry out to Melpomene, But she is silent. Her sisters’ frown upon me, Not a drop of inspiration flows through my veins, So, I stare  At my blank canvas, While my forehead sweats bullets, My teeth chatter, My anxiety hangs so think in the air It is almost tangible. I try touching pen to paper, But my hands grow numb, They shake uncontrollably, The instrument, once familiar to me Fails me, Drops out of my hand, Leaving me alone,  Staring  Through blurred vision, Tears lacing eyes filled with emotion that refuses to be written  I try to speak, Because when all else fails words never fail, My lips have never failed, But it like my throat is caught in a vice grip, My vocal cords refuse to vibrate, There is a tight seal on my mouth, And the words just don’t come out. I fall to my knees, Defeated. After a short struggle Of trying to chock back the sobs, I hive my tears free reign, Because my tears are the only form of...

  This poem is a bit of an experiment. It's a test of my ability to write out of shear force of will. Do enjoy the products of writers block and tell me what you think My mind exists in a constant state of calamity, It exists only to serve and feed my anxiety, I feel crushed by the weight of mental gravity, I am definitely losing my sanity. My mind is a pit of despair, Where consternation resides  With depression his heir, My demons ensnare me With their evil glare, This mental prison is quite rare  Each day I lie I say I’m okay, To find the strength  to make it through another day,  But depression itself has a unique kind of sway, And at the end of the day it always has a say. The stress of it all has me bent at the knee, Tired of calling, No one here my plea, There is nowhere to run Nowhere to flea The overwhelming truth is I will never be free My mind is a prison Ingeniously designed, It bound up all  And made me blind, I regret my life That contract I s...

 The future looks bleak, I am anything if not weak. I am nothing more than a memory, Gone with the wind. I lay forgotten, I am insignificant, It’s not harsh, It’s the truth. Who would want to remember me? I mean look at me. Really look at me. What value do you see? Am I even worth the air I breathe?  Do mistakes like me even deserve to breathe? I wonder, But my wonder soon turns to worry As I think about every molecule of oxygen wasted on me, Every grain of food bought to keep me alive, Each drop of water I consume to keep my metabolism running, When they would benefit someone else, Anyone else, Just not me. I don’t deserve the mercies of the world. The world doesn’t need me, I’m not enough for the world, I’m not even enough for me. I have lost my zeal for life, That spark inside. What I think I can offer you do not require It better for all if I just finally expire. Tell me I’m wrong, you can’t, Because deep down you know I’m right, So now its time to make my bed in the etern...

  Roses are red, Violets are blue, I told you that I like you, You said that you like me too. I giggled, I don’t normally giggle. My Awkward smile is stuck, Plastered on my face, Dreaming about the day, I get to feel your embrace. I know,   I sound like a blithering idiot, But I can’t help it. You see for so long the idea of happiness Was so far removed, Until the day I started talking to you. See there I go again, Letting passion consume me, I’m falling, And I’m falling recklessly. I am genuinely happy, But I’m scared. Scared we will lose that spark, That vibe you and I have. I’m afraid of being lost In a perpetual cycle of awkward “hello’s”. But these fears are trivial, We can work past them, Right? No, the thing I am truly scared of, Is that one day you will wake up. You’ll wake up and you will see my scars. The Vitiation of my heart, The desecration of my soul, My shattered mind. I’m scared that one of t...

Don't try to fix me , Trust me the re is nothing to fix Let me self destruct Allow me to burn Let death sweep me up in his cold embrace As he lays me in his eternal bed